When I was younger, a lot of things didn't make sense to me. This was reinforced when I went off to boarding school and learnt or realized-whichever you prefer- that my life, my family set up was not like that of most kids my age.
I didn't come from the city or any other big town like all my friends. I didn't have awesome stories to tell about where I had gone with my family for a family day out. I didn't have a dad to go on and on about. All I had was my mum and my grandparents.
I grew up with my grandparents both of who were disciplinarians; that should create a picture of what happened when I was at fault. My mum was mostly away working in the city and right before I went to boarding school I moved in with my mum's big sis. Mum would try really hard to come see me as often as she could. Sometimes I would miss her so much I would cry myself to sleep holding on to her blouse that she left behind from her previous visit. With time, I even learnt how she knocked.
I just couldn't understand why I couldn't just go live with her. I couldn't understand why I didn't have a dad like everyone else. It might look like I am complaining but am really just saying and when I look back now; I had a pretty awesome childhood. It might have appeared like I didn't have a lot of what other kids had but over the years of growing up I have learnt that I had a lot of what most kids didn't have.
I remember I once asked my mum why we did not live in Nairobi and I remember her looking at me with a tinge of pain in her eyes and saying that we couldn't all be the same but she would work really hard to always make me happy. That is a statement I will never forget; mostly because of how she said it-I assumed maybe she felt like she was letting me down- and the fact that this far in my life, she has kept her promise.
I know it has not been easy for her raising me all by herself and the fact that kids might not always understand somethings. I have never lacked a thing in my life. The times she couldn't get me something as fast as I would have wanted her to, she would tell me to give her a bit of time and she always delivered. I know I am not a mother to understand what mothers have to give up for their children but there is no doubt that she has sacrificed a lot for my happiness.
She is the strongest woman I know, always putting on a brave face when really her world might feel like it is falling apart. She is my hero and my inspiration and I hope that one day when I get a family of my own, I will do as good a job with my kids as she has with me.
Well, I don't know much about my dad apart from the fact that he must have been crazy not to stick by mum's side but I guess in the end it was all for the best. He tried reaching out to me once though. I gave him a chance to redeem himself for being MIA for 20 years of my life but somehow he managed to fuck that up. At least I tried but we haven't talked for years and honestly I would rather it remains that way.
For what its worth, if ever it came to it, I would take a bullet to my head, catch a grenade and put my hand in the blade for her in a heartbeat. ( I hate that song by the way but as unrealistic as it sounds, I would do all those things for her)
Well I realize that this piece might feel a bit emotional but trust me, its not half of what I was feeling when I wrote it. That couldn't be expressed in words. Its a piece meant to give a brief overview of my life, where I have come from and the lady who has worked her ass off to make it happen with the help of the Almighty of-course :-)
I love you mum.
I didn't come from the city or any other big town like all my friends. I didn't have awesome stories to tell about where I had gone with my family for a family day out. I didn't have a dad to go on and on about. All I had was my mum and my grandparents.
I grew up with my grandparents both of who were disciplinarians; that should create a picture of what happened when I was at fault. My mum was mostly away working in the city and right before I went to boarding school I moved in with my mum's big sis. Mum would try really hard to come see me as often as she could. Sometimes I would miss her so much I would cry myself to sleep holding on to her blouse that she left behind from her previous visit. With time, I even learnt how she knocked.
I just couldn't understand why I couldn't just go live with her. I couldn't understand why I didn't have a dad like everyone else. It might look like I am complaining but am really just saying and when I look back now; I had a pretty awesome childhood. It might have appeared like I didn't have a lot of what other kids had but over the years of growing up I have learnt that I had a lot of what most kids didn't have.
I remember I once asked my mum why we did not live in Nairobi and I remember her looking at me with a tinge of pain in her eyes and saying that we couldn't all be the same but she would work really hard to always make me happy. That is a statement I will never forget; mostly because of how she said it-I assumed maybe she felt like she was letting me down- and the fact that this far in my life, she has kept her promise.
I know it has not been easy for her raising me all by herself and the fact that kids might not always understand somethings. I have never lacked a thing in my life. The times she couldn't get me something as fast as I would have wanted her to, she would tell me to give her a bit of time and she always delivered. I know I am not a mother to understand what mothers have to give up for their children but there is no doubt that she has sacrificed a lot for my happiness.
She is the strongest woman I know, always putting on a brave face when really her world might feel like it is falling apart. She is my hero and my inspiration and I hope that one day when I get a family of my own, I will do as good a job with my kids as she has with me.
Well, I don't know much about my dad apart from the fact that he must have been crazy not to stick by mum's side but I guess in the end it was all for the best. He tried reaching out to me once though. I gave him a chance to redeem himself for being MIA for 20 years of my life but somehow he managed to fuck that up. At least I tried but we haven't talked for years and honestly I would rather it remains that way.
For what its worth, if ever it came to it, I would take a bullet to my head, catch a grenade and put my hand in the blade for her in a heartbeat. ( I hate that song by the way but as unrealistic as it sounds, I would do all those things for her)
Well I realize that this piece might feel a bit emotional but trust me, its not half of what I was feeling when I wrote it. That couldn't be expressed in words. Its a piece meant to give a brief overview of my life, where I have come from and the lady who has worked her ass off to make it happen with the help of the Almighty of-course :-)
I love you mum.
1 comment:
nice piece...
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